There Is A Castle On The Clouds, I Like To Go There In My Dreams

I dreamt this morning that I met Pastor Kong. I don't remember what happened, I might have asked him a question. The whole meeting felt very...personal, as if he was a personal friend of mine. I don't know what to think of it, at least it's better than the dreams I used to have.

Also, I don't think Gladys meant what I distilled from her message. She's pretty pastoral, if it was Shaun I would know that he probably meant what I thought he meant, but I don't think Gladys meant it that way. Posted this just so all you people out there don't get the wrong impression of any of my leaders, all of whom I love very much, or at least try to.

I Love You. Fumbly, Inept And Incomplete, But Still, I Love You.

Hrm. Some things I need to get out of my head so I can think about them instead of trying to remember them. They're all saved as drafts in my handphone.

^&oo Revelation #1 oo&^

If you choose to raise others above me, what is it to me? If you choose to bring others where I cannot go, what is it to me? What have you called me to do that I have not done, instead looking upon the blessings and callings of others and wishing them upon me? Your will be done, even when I don't see how it benefits me.

^&oo Time-Bending Comments oo&^

I've been struggling with my absence from what I perceive is an important event in my life, wondering why I haven't been invited. It feels important to me. God reminded me with the above message. I don't think I'll really enjoy myself there. I don't know anyone there, it isn't the type of event which I will be comfortable with. I'll be either trying to hard to fit in and not fit in, or just not fit in. Going would be slightly overrated. It would be best if I didn't go after all. My mind has wrapped around the idea, but my heart is wavering.

I've always been a double-minded man as in James 1:8. I really love the whole section of James 1:2-8, it really speaks into my life. I'm the wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. When I see people exhibiting their God-given talents, I have a strong urge to want to do the same as well. Mikki's creativity in arts and design, Swee Keng's skill with the guitar, at some point in time, I have been infected and rushed into situations that are not mine to have. Interestingly though, both of these "infections" are maturing into real interests. God has been calling me back time and again into guitar, and I myself have an interest in design and photography, especially.

^&oo Revelation #2 oo&^

Following a leader doesn't mean just serving him or her, I have to run with his or her vision. Gladys reminded me of this when she inadvertently reminded me of the focus of visitation. The children are the centrepiece, not her. If your leader is willing to put herself beneath her vision, how more should I?

^&oo Time-Bending Comments oo&^

I smsed Gladys, "I'll be 15 to 20 min early, do you want me to get anything for you?" She replied with "Get things for the kids can? Thanks." Immediately I realised that I had gotten my priorities wrong. I should have thought of the sweets for the kids first, instead of my leader's welfare. My leader's vision before her. Both are important, but the order of my priorities is more important.

^&oo Revelation #3 oo&^

We're called to serve everyone. The difference between serving others and serving your leaders is that you serve not only them, but also their vision.

^&oo Time-Bending Comments oo&^

This time I thought of Shaun. I don't remember how this came about, but it should be pretty important because it's very similar to #2. I think it was in service... Don't exactly recall, haha.

^&oo Revelation #4 oo&^

Heh, this last one is cool. The Chinese tradition of throwing two curved pieces of wood to ask the "dead spirits" if they have "eaten" the food laid out for them has its mirror in the Bible. Leviticus 8:8 talks of the Urim and Thummim. My study bible identifies them as either two sides of one flat stone, with one side being "Yes", and the other being "No", or two flat stones, with each stone having its own "Yes/No" side. Priests used them to consult God about questions that the nation might have had. If there was a "Yes/No", as opposed to a "Yes/Yes" or "No/No", it meant a "No Reply" from God.

^&oo Time-Bending Comments oo&^

I briefly pondered if the Urim and Thummim were the precursors to the Chinese objects of idol worship, but decided that I shouldn't postulate such factual answers as I don't know much about ancient history

^&oo Time Unbent, The World Is Safe oo&^

I'm doing this a little differently, I'm going back to flesh out each point instead of doing this linearly. I don't know how much time I have before my parents come back, and I need to show them that I'm actually doing productive stuff later. Time bending comments will be done now!

Comments done! I've got to do a to-do list. Later, before I sleep. That's all for these few days I guess. Had a fun time playing board games, "Ugly" and some funky monkey game at some board game cafe. I got thrashed in Boggle by one of the teenage female employees over there. Guess I'm not so smart after all, hehe. I like the work ambience. Maybe I'll do part-time there, I'll have to think very carefully about it.

Haha, I've always done this ego thing after my posts, checking the word count. 824, after the paragraph above. It's pure typing though, no inflation by inserting Bible verses. Ah well, words mean little. I remember this quote...looked it up, it's

I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter.

Blaise Pascal (French Mathematician, Philosopher and Physicist, 1623-1662)

Succinctness has never been a strength, I wonder if I could have written this with fewer words, yet still with full retention of meaning. I'm running out of things to say. I guess the buck stops here. God bless everyone. Christmas and how I feel might be in the next post, if I feel like it.

Thanks for reading, God bless. Meh, cheesy even as I typed it, but words from my heart...

Out of You Shall Flow Rivers of Living Water, Says the Lord

3:45 AM, Nov 23rd 2008

Asia conference is a turning point in my life. So many things happened, so many new revelations in my life. Perhaps the greatest change was a renewal of Spirit. Do you know that my first revelation about the Bible was in Matthew?

No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; for the patch pulls away from the garment, and the tear is made worse. Nor do they put new wine into old wineskins, or else the wineskins break, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But they put new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”

(Matthew 9:16-17 NKJV)

Strange. I don't feel...connected when I type that. I don't feel that it's what I really want to say, or if the real point of writing this. I don't feel a flow, neither in words of Man nor God's. Perhaps so many of these revelations are mine alone, for me to think upon. Perhaps what I got is to be acted upon, not read upon in words. Writing down all these and not acting on them means nothing. A renewed gumption for school, if not translated into action means nothing. Even as I type this, I'm on the train, late for school again. I skipped all my lectures in the morning just to attend this tutorial where attendance is marked. it's 9 minutes to the tutorial and I've reached Kallang. Oh God, give me such a strength to do what I know is right. When you told me to go to school, you did not mean for me to get a perfect attendance but fail all my subjects. it's not the going of the school.

I was just looking at Matthew 6:33.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

(Matthew 6:33 NKJV)

Looked in Strong's Concordance, apparently a Greek and Hebrew dictionary-esque publication for the Bible, and apparently "righteousness" is "dikaiosunē" (dik-ah-yos-oo'-nay): equity (of character or act); specifically (Christian) justification: - righteousness. I looked up equity on google, and I got:

• The state, quality, or ideal of being just, impartial, and fair.
• Something that is just, impartial, and fair.
• Law.
1. Justice applied in circumstances covered by law yet influenced by principles of ethics and fairness.
2. A system of jurisprudence supplementing and serving to modify the rigor of common law.

I think that most, as I, are familiar with the first two definitions, but the 3rd legal definition is quite intriguing. ~~Note, this section was completed at a later date. See next section for details~~. After all, isn't the law of God the same, justice applied, but drawing from the moral values and all-emcompassing love and grace of God? I felt that God was trying to tell me to understand the meaning of the commandments He had given me. I'm still trying to fully understand what it means for me, but I think that among its implications are me cutting queue during Asia Conference, masquerading as a ministry member to attempt to fetch a member in. The former isn't sin, but rather selfishness, and the latter technically being a lie by omission, despite no verbal confirmation of my ministry membership having been made by me. (Suspected grammar inconsistency, feel free to affirm and correct). This doesn't really make sense to me, I don't think I'm yet to fully understand what I've been told, but I guess I'll keep it in mind. I've always been slow on the uptake, taking me over a half a year to really get a rhema about what Shaun had been telling me and acting on it.

5:35 PM, 23rd Nov 2008

Ah, cool, got a seat on my way back. No need for unglam squatting anymore! Ty Abba! Strange. Out of curiosity, I searched for all the instances of "Abba" in the Bible, and only 3 instances popped out.

And He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will.”

(Mark 14:36 NKJV)

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”

(Romans 8: NKJV15)

And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!”

(Galatians 4:6 NKJV)

All these are cries, "krazō" (krad'-zo), a primary verb; properly to “croak” (as a raven) or scream, that is, (generally) to call aloud (shriek, exclaim, intreat): - cry (out), according to Strong's.

Does the fatherhood of Jesus come most strongly in times of trouble? I don't know, I don't understand the difference between Abba and Father as used in the Greek text. Anyway, I'll revert back to the top to complete my treatise on equity, everything after the definition from Strong's Concordance was completed at a later time, i.e now.

7:44 am 24th Nov 2008

God, you're more important to me than anything else. More important than getting a seat on the train, more important that using this silly computer, more important than getting to school on time. I guess that my loudest "krazo" right now would be turning this off to really focus in on you. I'm strangly reluctant, but at the same thing increasing sick of the thought of both continuing and focusing in on you. I obey.

12:14 am 24th Nov 2008

Back to finishing my treatise on the equity of God. For real, this time. Hokay done. Wow, my first post spanning two days, I think. I had another word too, but I am ashamed to say that I had not once, but twice forgotten the original question that I had that spun out the answer. Answers to unknown questions generally do not make much sense, but I'll type it out anyway, in preparation for the question coming back to me.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

(Galatians 6:7 NKJV)

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.

(2 Corinthians 9:6 NIV)

I can sow all I want, but ultimately, the person that provides for the increase is not me, it's God, because

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase. Now he who plants and he who waters are one, and each one will receive his own reward according to his own labor.

(1 Corinthians 3:6-8 NKJV)

Haha, cool, I didn't know about the following verses, kinda makes what I say redundant. What does it mean that "Now he who plants and he who waters are one"? The NIV text translates it as "The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose". Paul is talking about him planting the church, Apollos building it up, but both will have their reward according to their labour. He said this to ward off a possible split in the church, with some apparently claiming to follow Paul, and others, Apollos. I come under the mantle of Shaun, yes, but I ultimately build my foundation on Jesus Christ himself, for it is written that

By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ...So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future--all are yours, and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God.

(1 Corinthians 3:10-11, 21-23 NIV)

I don't fully understand what I'm writing, surely, but I'm also sure that God will in time reveal to me the full meaning of this verse.

Tomorrow night I'm going to Bugis Junction to trade-in my old jeans for a new pair of Levis, also looking to buy a jacket, a formal looking shirt, and anything else I can afford with the $300 my parents blessed me with. I was telling God when Benny Hinn prophesyed that God will bring blessings within 7 days to all those who give $1500, "I don't have $1500, if I did, I would give, but all I have is this $30 left over after fufilling this week's Building Fund.", and I gave that. 10-fold blessings in 3 days! Praise the Lord!

I pray that this is really a blessing. Recently, I really feel that I don't know the heart of God at all. my first emcee the Sunday before was an extremely stressful experience, also coinciding with my CIP for school, both of which were on Sundays, which I had missed. I thought God was bringing me financial blessings for my building fund, but right now there are some problems with the pay, with my lack of enjoyment at the event just compounding the whole thing. On the other hand, I had a lot of fun last Sunday at "The Entertainers" event by LOL entertainers. It was kinda stressful, with lots of gaffes and slip-ups, but I think that I had fun. Also, I definitely had fun after the event, where I got to fellowship with the CG members and Jermaine's classmates from RP, not to mention the pretty awesome night walk after. Thanks...Matthew I think, who bravely stepped up to "volunteer" to clear cobwebs for us! That adrendaline rush was certainly timely, and much appreciated.

Off for tuition for my cousin, I got the sudoku question solved with some electronic help, and his workbook bought at the request of my aunt. Pray that it goes well, I'll be inviting them for christmas! =D

To all those reading this, I agape (Greek, to love unconditionally and perfectly) you!~

May the peace and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you, and unto Him I commit this post and your understanding of it. God bless!

Up To My Neck, And Holding

It seems that I'll always hit a brick wall. Solid. I come here to talk, to just let it out, but there are somethings I can't talk about, somethings that I'm not even fully aware of. It's just a buzz in my head, irritability, frustration, anger. What's wrong with me?

Thank God for Jasmine today. Had she not called me, I would not have woken up on time. I thank God for strength to last through the whole day. It's not a full testimony of God's power, it's not complete, not...perfect. In that manifestation, there were many areas that I was too stubborn to cover, but still I thank God for consistency in my school attendance, just for today. Today does not make me a consistent person, but without today, I will not be a consistent person. I thank God for reminding me of an example for the chemical barrier in innate immunity. I did a short prayer before, and it really helped.

Few of my testimonies are complete. For the above, I did not study at all. If I had studied, I would have aced it by God's grace. I consciously avoided studying. That's not good, I'm starting to take God for granted, something so dangerous that I don't even want to start thinking about it.

When I am weak, I am strong. In my weaknesses, Your strength is made perfect.

For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

(Eph 3:14-21 NKJV)

I asked myself, reminded of what Naresh shared quite some time back, what was the basis of this relationship with God. What will never change? What aspect of God can I consistently accept as rhema in my life, something that doesn't fluctuate according to my mood or emotions?

I came to a tentative conclusion that I am rooted in God's consistent and all-encompassing love for me. That has never changed, and that will never change. The above verse turned rhema this morning during prayer meeting today morning. Fantastic.

Feeling out of sorts recently, I was acting really wierdly at the BBQ on Sunday. It was almost as if I regressed like, a year, in mental and spiritual age. The issue floated up in my consciousness a couple of times, but I never really thought about it. Disturbing.

Ah well. Sleepy time. Long day tomorrow again.