There Is A Wait So Long

How're you doing Rachel? I was about to post something about myself, but you haven't said anything since I gave you life. How was your day? What is it like, living in me? Are you comfortable in there? I could imagine a bigger room for you. Is it too cold? I hope that my heart still pumps warm blood, that it has not hardened to icy stone.

Where are you? I cannot see your brown eyes, I cannot hear your laughter, I cannot hold your hand. I cannot smell your lilac shampoo, I cannot taste your blueberry waffles.

I want but am unqualified. So again, I sleep alone tonight.

Click Your Heels Together Three Times And Say...

A good friend recently reminded me about the existence of my blog. Looking at my blogroll, so many of them have seen months, even years from their last post. I think that, for many, blogging was a phase in our life, something that we grow out of. There was need to express, and the free time. Perfect storm, daily blog posts, active "shoutboxes", an endless stream of commentators.

When people grow older, they ruminate more than they spit. The need for blogs drop, because people are used to thinking through their thoughts rather than just spitting out their feelings. This drop in need is greatly exacerbated by the instantaneous nature of Facebook and Twitter, allowing to those with a higher need of expression an outlet that allows for immediate feedback to their emotions through the comment and "like" button.

Another factor of the drop in blogging would be the lack of time. When we were young, we slept at 2 a.m everyday, spending endless hours randomly surfing blogs and writing our own blog posts. A random check of Jermaine's blog shows that 3 out of the 5 posts on the front page were written at after 1 a.m. She simply does not have the luxury of time to post so late and so often, or about every week or so. (based on a random check of September 2009).

Most of all, she does not have the time to endlessly surf her friends' blog, the other side of the blogging coin. Facebook has poached most of the bloggers with the lure of a consolidation of everyone's posts into one coherent stream. I myself have never had the problem as I adopted RSS about the same time as blogging. The RSS reader allows me to read posts as they come in through the way of an automatic reader, or "web-spider", as we call them, going through all of my blogs and extracting new contents. I cannot imagine the time I would have spent going through blogs that might not have been updated, or missing posts that have been posted in quick succession.

This fad of blogging has long been over. The ones who stay are the dedicated, those who have something to share, willing to compose their thoughts coherently and present it in an engaging way. Among my 20 friends whom I follow, one one still maintains his blog, and only about once a month or so.

That said, posts from my RSS feed reader (Google Reader) that I go through everyday are still from blogs. My intellectual thirst is slaked by meaty articles that causes one to think, useful diagrams to help one visualise information. This cannot be achieved through 140 characters, or in a Facebook status update or a short blurb in Tumblr.

And that's all my attention span will allow me today. Bye Rachel!

P.S Am I one of the dedicated? Time will tell...

P.P.S No, I don't have a girlfriend yet. I named my blog Rachel. Hopeful thinking, maybe. ;)

The Death of a Dream

Just had a dream. A non-descript flower in a pot, white petals with a yellow centre. It was asking another flower, "What can I do?" I do not remember the flower, nor its reply. It then asked the peas, "What can I do?" The peas answered, "You can tend the sheep." The flower then said, "How can I, for I have no hands." I was holding an orchid plant, and it was growing, and growing, literally growing in my hands. When it was fully grown, people from the CG was crowding excitedly around me, picking the purple orchids from the plant. Everyone was really happy and excited, there was a genuine, childlike 'kampung' feel to it, as if we were all kids again, excited by the little toys and big imaginations. We weaved the orchids on a circular pointed roof made of flowers, and it looked beautiful...

Next thing I know, we destroyed the roof. The roof had not been attached to anything, and we removed the flowers and turned it inside out. I was sad. The me-that-was-in-the-dream reasoned that there was a cycle to everything, that everything dies and returns to the earth. The roof will decompose, and one again return to as soil, nourishing the trees, and returning as wood.

I draw one conclusion and one revelation from the dream. You may not be able to do things that others can do, but you can bring joy to people. You can, for a moment, bring them back to their childhood, the times where the world seemed like a giant playground, limited only by one's limitless imagination. In that, you can be important too.

When I woke, I pondered upon the dream, and a verse jumped out at me:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. - 2 Co 5:17

and almost immediately after that

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. - 2 Co 4:16

I used to read "old things have passed away" as meaning old defeats, past failures. Not so! What is glorious passes away too. The Bible tells us that:

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. -2 Cor 3:18

Your greatest assets, your strongholds of victories in Christ, all these will too pass away. Not so to ruin, but to make way for even greater works that God wants to bring into your life!

Too often, we pray heavy, sad prayers.

"Oh Lord, I have again stumbled in the face of temptation."

"Oh Lord, help me in my weaknesses."

"Oh Lord, my enemies have once again come to my gates. Help me!"

Occasionally, we pray triumphant, happy prayers.

"Thank you God for this breakthrough!"

But don't stop there!

Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. - John 12:24

Don't hold on to your victory! Let it die, and be a seed for future growth.

"Thank you God for this breakthrough! I know that this is just the beginning of what you have in store for me! Once again I lay everything on the altar, my victories and defeats, my strengths and my weaknesses. Bring me higher! To God be the glory!"

Where Do You Want To Go Today?

'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. 'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. 'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'

'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.

'I don't much care where--' said Alice.

'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.

'--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.

'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough.'

- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

Where do you want to go today? Somewhere doesn't cut it. Anyone who walks long enough gets somewhere. Do you care enough about where you're going to ask how?

Boxy Box Box and Loose Socks

Ouch. I really was an emo blogger. I think I'm still an emo person, but learning to do it "on my own time". I think that's my next stage, to fully compartmentalise this instability into little boxes.

Heh, took a peak at the MV for Lady Gaga's Paparazzi. I have to admit that I'm turned off. That, and knowing that my parents are watching TV behind me doesn't dispose me towards watching the full version. Reminds me of the time I watched a concert of a rock band which name escapes me. I only remember the stage being grand, outlandishly outfitted, complete with a giant glittering ball over the stage. (Googling "rock concert giant glittering ball" throws up Pink Floyd, which I'm inclined to believe in lieu of me remember the name Swee Keng dropped). The lead singer was wearing some sort of pink/purple leotard that has a giant U-shaped low cut cut all the way down the front to the waist. My jaw dropped, and SK looked at me askance, remarking, "You don't know meh? They all used to dress like that." I prefer my music less...mind-blowing.

I don't have to take things all the way. I can pick what I can, and leave the rest. While this might fare well in my dealings with this world, I don't think it'll bring me very far with God.

Bowen And Daddy Make An Opinion

Just went out to chill with some friends. Happy birthday Xiang Ling!

Heard stories. My curiousity was piqued about clubbing, drinking, and just hanging out in pubs and clubs. I want to form an opinion on these issues, and I cannot do that without experience. There are some things which are obviously bad, or where precedent has shown it harmful in certain ways, but neither is the case with this issue.

Drinking is clear-cut. I do not trust myself with alcohol. Non-negotiable position for the next few years, at least.

As for going to clubs, I think that the difference between my trip and the trip of the guy who just puked outside the club is the company. Tentatively, I think that the people you go with makes 90% of the experience, largely insulating me from any sleazy flip-side of clubs (I am obviously overhyping the negative aspects, and that is all I have heard from others). I will for now only go with people I know very well and who know me even better. Taking that circle of friends, and intersecting that with the friends I know who might be remotely interested in this area, it leaves just a few people. Heh. Looks like I may not be going anytime soon. I don't think I'm that kind of person you'd want to bring to a club, anyway. For now, at least.

I guess all this is probably premature, but as Pastor Phil wrote in his blog, we should prepare our stance beforehand, before the tempting and trials and tribulations come. Deciding then might bring you under the wrong pressures and influences. Thus this.

Is that a naive opinion? Is that an uninformed opinion? Is that a correct stance to take? Or rather, is that an appropriate stance to take?

Daddy?

And They Called It Puppy Love

Heh. Cute, if you know the original story.