Blocked.

It's March the 30th today. I never realised that my last post was one day before my birthday. I don't know why, but today, right now as I'm blogging, I feel heavy and sad, as the very joy is sucked out of me by blogging. I suddenly feel down, sad. Perhaps in front of the computer, while blogging, is one of the few times I can show my weakness, my emotional vulnerabilities covered up by jokes, smiles. I wonder what I meant by the last statement. I'm not faking it, this joy when I'm with my CG and friends. Perhaps, it is during those times that I forget about trying to be me, and to just be. I don't know, I don't think I'm really talking sense.

I don't feel like thinking today, I think. Nothing too verbose, nothing making sense. I need to change. Tomorrow? No today, I'd think. I've drifted far enough. I can't do this on my own. Tried, tested, and proven.

I feel empty. Soul-crushing emptiness. I don't know why, it just happened. I am such a contemptible creature. Trying to shake it off, listening to Tree63, Blessed Be Your Name. A sacrifice of praise indeed.

Forget it. Whatever it is, I'm missing it right now.